Emotional courage

This write-up is inspired by the TED talk of Susan David.

When you say courage, it means the absence of fear. But it’s actually fear walking! Life is fragile; nobody will come out of it without feeling some kind of extreme emotion at different phases. We as human beings have graded emotions as good and bad. We are forced to see positivity and that’s what is preached as morally correct. But only dead people do not have emotions. They aren’t stressed, disappointed, broken heart or depressed.  We as humans have emotions as a part of our contract with life. 

The focus here is not to propagate unhappiness or negativity. But it’s about the denial to embrace your true emotions. “Emotional Agility” – that is unacceptance of the emotions like pain, grief, loss or regret. Acceptance of all our worst emotions is the corner stone of our resilience to true happiness. Showing false positivity and suppressing normal emotions will hinder our ability to deal with them in the real world.

People often do not try new things or accept change gracefully because they have fear of losing and hence getting disappointed. Life’s beauty is inseparable from its fragility. Emotions are our data. The more we try to hold it, the greater it holds on you. The internal pain will always come out. The repressed emotions will always find their path to reality. Who will pay its price then- our children, our families, our colleagues, and our society.

The majority of us judge ourselves and then it passes on to our near and dear ones and our peers and community at large. The emotions which we have pushed aside become stronger- “amplification” as per psychologists. Hence, the better way out is to acknowledge how you feel and find solace by whichever means is comfortable. One of the ways is writing them down on paper, having your own diary, and journaling your thoughts if there’s nobody to reach out to.

Emotions shouldn’t be directives. You need to act wisely when drowned in it. Be it stress, hopelessness, grief, or depression. You need to shelter yourself but make sure you don’t push them away. Love yourself enough even on your worst days because if not you then who will think of your self-worth. Enjoy your own company before seeking attention or approval from others. Learn to sit in solitude with yourself and have your mind cleared from all the heaviness you facing. Cry, weep hard if you feel it will help you feel lighter. There’s nothing wrong with accepting when you are in blue. But remember that shouldn’t be dragged more than once or twice per episode. You need to finish the chapter once you have poured your heart out.

Depression is one single reason for global disability. Be it cancer, heart disease, or some terminal ailment, loss of a loved one, career or business failures, broken marriages or relationships, or the current situation of the pandemic. The causes are numerous but we all feel overwhelmed at some point in time. There has to be a tunnel to vent it out. But before that, you need to address it and not try to hide it or flee from facing it. Remember this method of escape from your emotions is only transient.

We often hear people saying, “I am stressed, I am angry, I am sad!” This makes you emotional. Instead try saying, “I am noticing that I am feeling sad”. This kind of statement will classify you and your emotions as different entities. You might be feeling low or angry for a particular reason or event that has occurred. And as you start to find out measures to deal with it or just to accept the situation; you will gradually come out of it.

“Feeling hurt is better than feeling nothing at all!” The goal is not to get rid of all your negative thoughts; that’s impossible. The goal is to change your response to them. When dealing with people let us remember we aren’t dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion- Dale Carnegie. Act thoughtfully, do not let your emotions overpower your intelligence. Sometimes it hurts bad, it’s up to you to run from it or learn from it.

Here’s the most powerful takeaway message for all the wonderful people reading this. “God is an emotional and psychological consolation when we are at the ace of our breaking point!” The presence of God is not a place to bypass your emotions- it’s a place to process them. Embrace His wonders for He injects in our bodies the required energy, strength, and power to combat our worries, anxiousness, and sorrows.

Written By: Dr. Khadija Mhowwala,

Chief Physiotherapist at Burhani Hospital Surat.