Posted by “Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex. Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational”.
Life can be as you want to see it. It can be a trail of hardships and sorrows or a string of optimism and happiness. You can enrich it with the seeds of love and contentment or infuse it with resentment and dissatisfaction. Nobody has come out of it alive. Death is inevitable but it’s upon us how to make the best of this journey.
Relationship is one important wave in the sea of life. Man is a social animal and can’t dwell alone in this world. Nobody who is found lonely is found happy. No matter how much you indulge in self -love and self- appraisal but without the company of others, will it keep any value in your life? In the end, we all long for somebody who can be named as friends, colleagues, cousins, partner, siblings, etc.
“Happiness is not so much in having as sharing”.
Have you ever noticed that no wonder how happy you are, you need an urge to share it with someone in order to multiply that happiness? Why, because without it being validated or authorized by our dear ones, it’s incomplete. Some relationships can be difficult to understand. You might fight with a loved one several times but you also need that person constantly. You might find it difficult to breeze through the life without the presence of that person. You might feel how empty it is when he isn’t around. Well, that’s the beauty of some good relationships. It’s comforting.
“Relationship is like cooking; don’t waste efforts on bad recipes”.
Some relationships are a real pain and like a lump in the throat. You can’t avoid it neither you can survive it. You feel suffocated but sometimes there’s no room to express your grief. There’s so much of misunderstandings, so many clutters. Yet, you have a very little choice left. You might not want to take it further anymore but at the same time you might be lacking some concrete direction to come out of it. What would you do in such case? Will you speak up to someone who might help you or to that same person who’s the cause of it or you will keep quiet so as to save the relationship in the eyes of others?
Societal pressure is one such reason which disallow us to take any steps for moving on from such toxic relationships. We give importance to what people will think over what do we want. Here comes the art of adjusting and living in whatever the unhealthy conditions we are in. But not all do that. Some have courage to accept that their relationship is a mental abuse for both and it’s better to move out than moving together ahead. Such people should be encouraged and applauded instead of criticized and condemned because they chose to speak for what they want and to make their lives better.
It’s not just about the marriages I’m talking about. It can be any relationship. It might be a friend whom you no longer consider healthy for you. It could be your colleague with whom you no longer gel. It could be your boss, who’s thought process or commands you can no longer take. It could be your neighbour who is a reason for you to keep the doors and windows of the house closed. It could be your parents whom you feel have shattered your mental wellbeing. It could be your sibling whom you no longer want to understand and you are saturated.
Disclaimer: Here my intension is not to encourage any separation.
“No relationship is ever a waste of your time. If it didn’t bring what you want, it taught you what you don’t want”.
This doesn’t mean we need to break our relationships with everyone whom we find inappropriate but it’s about rationalising your thoughts. Some disputes or arguments are temporary. They can be well sorted by sitting together and communicating because you can’t give up on everybody because you think you are no longer happy with them. It’s sometimes about your mental health. You need to distance yourself to seek peace and ask yourself what do you actually want. You need to question your own self and answer them as well. And then once you are sorted, write them down on a piece of paper and don’t forget to revisit it often.
Once you have understood what do you expect and how much you are ready to compromise with a proper logic in your head. Communicate it with that person. Analyse and see if you are really willing to go about with it or you wish him to leave your space. That sounds rude! But believe me, the ones who really want to stay will make an effort not just by words but by actions and hold you from going away. And there you have discovered those priceless relationships in your life. It could again worsen and the clouds might turn darker. Those are phases which might come and go but where there is love, understanding, trust and communication, the sun will shine after the rains.
We are all Allah’s creations. Embrace the differences but take care of your mental health first.
We sometimes expect the same amount of returns as we are giving. But each person’s giving capacity is different. I might be a giver of love and knowledge but it’s not necessary that everyone I give will reciprocate in the similar fashion. Some might be a miser, some might be fearing to lose their asset, some might not know how to give, some might not have a brave heart, some might have bad experiences in past which is stopping them, some might have learnt from others experiences to not over do. See each individual as a unique model of feelings and life experiences and so expecting same in return from all will only disappoint you. Embrace each person who comes in your life as Allah’s masterpiece filled with errands of emotions. Keep one thing in common, that’s your control over emotions. Do not burden others to fulfil your expectations. Keep things simple. Communicate when needed. Don’t let too many hurt pile up. Talk, seek advices whenever needed. Mental health is important. Making peace with yourself is important. Too much of baggage will give you a sore back. Declutter it and reduce the load. Take break from the situation to contemplate and find your answers. Not asking you to flung or run away. But to energize and rejuvenate. It’s just one life you have been gifted. Make sure you live it to the fullest!
All the best !